JOSH'S JOURNEY TO RECOVERY
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Josh has a new blog...
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Josh has a new team of educators and is improving...
Natalie turned 18 on July 22, 2008. We had a party at Rock Bottom with lots of her friends.
Natalie's graduation from Canyon Crest Academy, June 12, 2008
US Open cake from Four Seasons Aviara.
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It's been a little over two months since I have updated the blog. Since then, I have been to South Beach Miami for a bachelorette party and to Boulder for Natalie's orientation at University of Colorado. Natalie has signed up for all her classes, is in the leadership program and will start college on August 25. We fly there on the 21st to get all moved in....
Oh yeah....this blog is about Josh! Well, let's see...I guess he's coming along. It's hard to measure his progress since I see him everyday... Josh's memory is getting better. He remembers that Mike, Angie and Tyler were here for Natalie's graduation ! That is big. It seems that his memory for big events is fairly decent at times, but the small stuff like what he had for breakfast and what he did the day before is spotty... Dr. B explained that this is how the memory comes back, first the big stuff, then the small stuff...
Josh continues to perseverate about Jerry and college and now my mother.... Josh will call me at work in the middle of the afternoon and ask, "Where's your mother?" very strange... and totally annoying... He is also into this thing where he asks, "Who died first Grandma or Dad.... what about Armen??? did he go to heaven or hell??? (then he just laughs like there is no tomorrow..crazy Joshy.) what about Hector??? is he still alive???" Every night Josh will look at family pictures and ask where they all are... The other night Josh asked about Myron! He said, "Mom, is Myron still around?" The other day Josh was reading Uncle Charlie's obituary and started on him... "Where is he?" Dr. B thinks that Josh is literally asking where they are. If we are in the car and I remind Josh to put hisseatbelt on, he'll say, "I am not putting it on...I want to be with Dad.." Then he just laughs.... The other day Josh was yelling at Vin and I said, "Josh, why are you screaming?" Josh says, "Because Vin didn't know Jerry." Then he'll laugh. He asks everyone "Did you know my Dad?" This is that lack of executive function thing where he just blurts out stupid stuff or laughs inappropriately if he sees someone fall. If I bring Josh to Reliable Pipe, he'll walk up to the customers and say "What's your name?" He constantly looks at Mike Nunez and asks him, "Where's Hector? Is he with my Dad?"
Josh does well when he is engaged in some kind of activity and has an amazing concentration level considering what happened to him. Four days a week he has four hours of one on one therapy, two in the morning at Encinitas Learning Center in his advanced neuroplasticity program and then two hours in the afternoon with his tutor. He can do algebra and complex averages... He is doing very well and Mike Jones is quite pleased with his progress and loves working with Josh. Yesterday Mike called me at work after their tutoring session and told me that Josh remembered his middle name which Mike told him last month....the memory thing is quite bizarre and spotty...some things he stores away and remembers and other things he immediately forgets... When Josh is perseverating about Jerry or college, he won't remember anything you tell him or anything that is happening around him... He is in the "crazy Josh world" trying to sort things out... It is like a broken record that is stuck in the groove... the therapists say to touch him to ground him to reality... IT IS MADDENING AND DIFFICULT!!
The "When am I going back to college?" thing is continuing. Josh constantly asks me this and when he does I no longer say "soon". Dr. B says you must tell him that he'll go back when his brain heals, that he needs to work hard atall his therapies so his memory and reasoning ability will come back. I have something written out which explains that he suffered from a near death brain injury which caused cell death in his brain when he had no oxygen... Josh understands sometimes. If you tell him that he'll go back to college "if your brain heals", he has a fit. He'll scream, "What do you mean IF????"
I decided that I wanted happy, motivated professionals around Josh so I got rid of Nino, his driver, and put an ad in Craig's list for an educator to drive Josh to Encinitas Learning Center and to work with the therapists there to understand what is happening and reinforce those exercises at home. The ad stated that the educator must play xbox, pool, cards, ping pong and golf, and most importantly have a sense of humor. I want fun people around Josh, not boring caregivers that don't give a shit. I also stated in the ad that a telephone interview was required and gave my cell phone number. I probably received 50 calls from retired and laid off teachers. I hired two young guys, Zach and Zodi. Zach has a degree in special education and is a substitute teacher. He has a great personality, is fun, full of great ideas and is very enthusiastic. He is also darling, 6 foot, blonde and blue and married to a gal who works in the pharmaceutical industry. Zodi has a teaching degree from San Diego State in kinesthesiology. He is fun, animated, extremely polite and humble! I got so many qualified people that my head was spinning. I decided to break up the week, three days for Zach and two days for Zodi. So far, so good. Before I was not ready to interview people and tell them exactly what I wanted. I was too emotional so I just called agencies and said, "Send me people." I think Josh will make better progress with fun people around him. If they get burnt out, I'll hire other fun people.
Josh's latest thing is watching movies. He loves to laugh. He'll focus on an entire movie. If I walk in the room, he'll get distracted and start with the crazy questions. A few days ago, Josh walked in my bedroom around 6:30 a.m. with the Cheech and Chong DVD. He'll get up really early and read all his notes on the kitchen table. I'll hear him mulling around in the kitchen.
I have more to tell, but it's 20 minutes until 11 andI have a golf date at 11:30 and haven't showered yet...so I'll finish up when I get back and attach some photos of Natalie's bday and graduation.... I am dating now and having fun!! Stay tuned.....
xoxoxo
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Josh is still going to HBOT but only once a week and at a deeper depth, 2.0 atmospheres. He loves it! As he becomes more and more cognitive, I think we will go deeper. It helps with stiffness. Josh has blisters on his hands from gripping the golf club so tightly. He needs to loosen up. We're laying off of golf for a while and doing frisbee golf which is great exercise.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The experts are telling me that Josh is making slow, steady progress...
Well, it's been almost two months since I have updated the blog. Josh is continuing with his therapies. He has a busy schedule. Everyday he attends the Encinitas Learning Center from 9:30 to 11:30. He is continuing with the Fast Forword neuroplasticity computer-based program. The program is designed to develop the following skills: advanced listening accuracy; auditory sequencing which is the ability to recognize and remember the order in which a series of sounds is presented, something which is critical for mapping sound sequences when spelling; word analysis which is the ability to recognize words, identify multi-syllabic words and recognize the relationship between letters and sounds and understand letter patterns; sustained attention which is the ability to remain focused on a given task while ignoring distractions and refraining from impulsive behavior; phonological memory; listening comprehension; following directions; English language conventions which is understanding the elements of the English language, including proper word order, syntax, vocabulary, prefixes and suffixes, plurals and subject-verb agreement; and vocabulary. Basically, it's all about memory, attention, processing and sequencing.
It's pretty amazing that Josh is doing so well in this program and has been promoted to the Fast ForWord Literacy Advanced program. What's rather mind-boggling is that Josh can do all this literacy stuff and even have a discussion with you about the presidential campaign, but continues with the haunting, crazy questions about his Dad and college. The perseveration continues and it's totally exhausting and awful to deal with. "Where's Dad?" "When did he die?" "How old was I when he died?" "How old was Natalie?" ...... Then every once in a while Josh will say, "I really hate the way Dad died," which I suppose shows that he understands that he's dead. Every once in a while Josh will say, "I really miss Dad." This is good, I think, but then he goes back to the same craziness with the "Where's Dad?" thing.... He also asks about Grandma. He'll look at her picture and say, "Where is she?" It's nuts.
Josh also continues with the "When am I going back to college?" thing in his crazy, slurred speech. The shrink says that what this really means is "When am I getting my life back?" This makes sense to me. The problem with Josh is that he has anosagnosia. Doesn't that sound like some awful disease???? It is a term used to describe a lack of awareness about a physical or mental impairment caused by brain damage. People with anosagnosia are incapable of understanding that they have an impairment. A classic example of someone with anosagnosia was the Unibomber. He thought he was normal and refused to allow his attorney to raise the insanity defense. How crazy is that. The guy filled notebooks with pages and pages of numerical codes which he devised himself. When the FBI and the CIA raided his apartment, they found the key to all these crazy, number sequences.....
The good news is my shrink thinks Josh will get past this anosagnosia stage and realize that he does, in fact, have some serious brain damage. Then Josh will become frustrated and most likely depressed. The other day Josh mentioned that he felt very frustrated. I was really glad when he said that. Every once in a blue moon Josh will have a moment of clarity, but it seems that it is short lived.
I found a wonderful clinical psychologist who specializes in brain injuries. She has a wealth of knowledge and I can "pick her brain" and ask her all kinds of questions about anoxic injuries. The other day when I was in her office, she pointed to a lovely painting on the wall and said one of her clients who had a similar injury as Josh's, did the painting. She tells me that Josh will make lots of progress even after two years. This makes me feel hopeful. Dr. B (that's what we'll call her) also recommended that I take antidepressants since I am feeling so overwhelmed lately. I am going the natural route and am taking SamE which you can buy in the grocery store. It stands for S-adenosylmethionine and is derivative of the amino acid methionine which the body naturally produces. I like it. I feel better. It's the rage in Europe. Americans reach for Prozac while the Europeans reach for the SamE. SamE is beneficial for disorders of the joints and connective tissue. It also promotes the health of the liver and may lower homocysteine levels. This is good since I have been drinking lots of wine lately...yum.
I was feeling lousy so I went to the doctor. My doctor is moving to Arizona so I saw this new guy who happened to be absolutely gorgeous which was very distracting. My back was killing me and I, of course, thought I was dying of lung cancer. I had convinced myself that something was dreadfully wrong at the base of both of my lungs. As it turned out, I was having back spasms and my lungs were fine... This guy did a bunch of blood work and everything checked out. So, I guess that red wine is definitely helping... This doctor gave me his cell phone number and told me I could call him any time of day. I thought that was rather odd. Have you ever had a doctor give you his cell number???? I just said, "Oh, thank you so much, Doctor. That is so kind of you." Maybe I should give him a buzz at 3 a.m. and tell him my back is spasming and I need a back rub!!
Natalie and I had an amazing time in Maui. Wailea is gorgeous and the ocean was like whale soup. The whales were jumping up and out of the water continuously. It was beautiful and quite entertaining! We did not want to come home! The Grand Wailea is an amazing resort ! We went ten minutes south of the resort and saw Big Beach which is undeveloped and stunning! There were ten people on the beach.... I dragged Natalie out of bed to go there and she was happy I did!
Natalie and I went to Boulder for a long weekend and that's Natalie's college pick - the University of Colorado at Boulder. It's lovely.
The campus is beautiful! It has an East Coast feel but is only two hours away! You fly into Denver and drive 1/2 an hour to the college.
The shopping at Boulder was wonderful! Here we are in a gourmet olive oil boutique with all kinds of goodies on the shelves.
I hope Natalie will be happy there! I'll miss her !
Natalie and her girlfriends recently went to the senior prom. They are all gorgeous! Doesn't Josh look great?? He's getting better!
I forgot to mention that Josh got fitted for a hearing aid and it's helping. His tutors and therapists say he is doing much better with it. We'll wait a while and eventually do the left ear as well. We wanted to do the right ear since his hearing is more damaged on that side. Hopefully Josh's speech will improve. Dr. S. says he'll speak more clearly over time since he will be hearing better. We'll see...
I am excited that Mike, Angie and Tyler are coming out for the US Open. We'll wine and dine and have some laughs! Angie needs some R&R after all she has been through. It's over now!!! What an ordeal ! Thanks, everyone for reading Josh's blog!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Natalie and I are leaving for Maui!!
If all goes smoothly and everyone shows up to get Josh covered, Natalie and I are off to the Grand Wailea in Maui on the 5th of April!! We cannot wait. I so desperately need this! I have hit the wall and if I don't get out of Dodge soon, I'll end up in the big house for sure!! Then, there will be no Josh and no one to care for Natalie and the dogs....among other things... I guess I am sick of rowing the boat, just plain ole exhausted mentally and physically....
Have I told you guys about Vin, Josh's newest caregiver? He is a wonderful young man who just graduated from college in the Phillipines and is studying to be an ICU nurse. He is humble, patient and very efficient! He stays with us from Thursday to Monday. Vin is 22, speaks perfect English and plays Xbox, Monopoly, Chess, scrabble and pool with Josh. It's wonderful! When Vin is around, Josh doesn't call me 20 times a day and ask me in the haunting, crazy voice... "When am I going back to college, Mom?" Only drawback is Vin does not drive yet. So...I am still running Josh around to his appointments.
Josh has started up again with the hyperbaric oxygen therapy and has also started a new program called FastForward which is a neuroplasticity computer based program which is designed to remap the brain, open up new passage ways, help with memory, speech and yes, REASONING!!! Wouldn't that be nice? To be able to reason with Josh would be amazing. Josh continues to have moments of clarity, but most of the time he is still into the "Where's Dad?" thing and the "When am I going back to college?" thing.... very frustrating. Josh continues to do well with others. He does not act as nuts with his caregivers as he does with me. The mothers are always the whipping posts. Lucky us! PARENT ABUSE.
My brother, Mike and I had a telephone conference with Dr. David Perlmutter, the neurologist out of Naples, Florida, that wrote the Better Brain Book and Brain Recovery. We had a three way conference call and Dr. Perlmutter actually gave me somewhat of a road map to go by. He said Josh needs another 50 to 75 hyperbaric oxygen treatments, that he needs to take 1250 mgs of DHA, a fish oil which will turn on the seratonin in the brain. He also gave me a laundry list of other vitamins and minerals which Josh needs to take, like vitamin D, NAC and resveratrol, to name a few. Dr. Perlmutter did not hesitate to tell us what we needed to do for Josh. I liked that. He had Josh's medical records and the original MRI which was taken immediately after the accident. He said that Josh's hippocampus (the part of the brain which has to do with memory) can regenerate itself over time. That was nice to hear...
We'll see what happens over time... In the interim, things suck. Josh's progrress is extraordinarily slow. I do see some small improvements with memory. He is learning to know the names of new people. For example, he knows all the guys at HBOT, like Bob Sands, Ivan, Ben and Saul. He knows Bob is from Australia. He enjoys going there and has watched Oceans 13 the past ten sessions. I tell him, "Josh, you saw that movie yesterday," and Josh says, "No, I didn't, Mom." It's like the movie Fifty First Dates with Drew Barrymore....
I'll finish updating this blog when I get back. I have to pick Josh up from the Encinitas Learning Center.
Joshy, Colin and wild dogs, Ruffy and Daisy. This photo was taken when Colin came to visit Josh before his trip to Japan. Colin, hope all is going well in Japan and that you are having the time of your life....you lucky kid!
Zach came to visit Josh during Spring Break. Open your eyes, Josh!
Here's Natalie, Olivia and Lauren, all dolled up for the National Charity League senior presentation ceremony held at the Four Seasons.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
"When will Josh Mendell go back to college?"
Apparently, this is the million dollar question... Josh continues to perseverate about this and now is doing internet searches trying to find the answer... It is crazy! He will type this question in the Google search box or the AOL search box. The August 28, 2006, article in the Wildcat Newspaper shows up with the picture of the "pre-business sophomore Josh Mendell" decked out in a suit giving the rushees the grand tour of the frat... Also, the blog shows up... "Chris and Bruce visit from Chicago. Josh's college buddies visit..." I have to watch what I write in this blog because it's showing up in web searches... Isn't that wild???
The other day I walked into the computer room and Josh asks me, "Am I 22?" I said "No, why do you think you're 22?" Then he shows me some article talking about a Joshua Mendel (with one L), age 22, who had brutally murdered two college girls... I said, "Oh yeah, Josh, that's you and you're a murderer..." He cracks up. Josh definitely gets a lot of things, but he doesn't "get" what happened to him. I am constantly trying to reason with him and explain the reason he is not in college. "You had a very serious brain injury, Josh, and you nearly died!! Drugs and alcohol were the cause. You were in a coma for two months, in the hospital for five months...etc. etc. etc...." He'll say, "Oh wow." Sometimes he'll laugh and say "cool". Oh yeah, it's really cool... I have laminated descriptions of the accident all over the place and Josh will read them over and over, but he still thinks he's fine. Every once in a while he'll have what I call a moment of clarity and seem to understand things, but then it goes out the window and he's all crazy again.... For example, the other day I said, "Josh, in order to return to college, you need to F O C U S on something for a long time. You need to read books and take tests and remember things... Do you think you can do that?" Josh says, "Oh yeah, easy. I can do that easily..." I said, then go in your room and get one of your books and let's see if you can read it. He goes to his room and picks out a book on baseball trivia and read it for about 5 seconds. Then he asks me, "Mom, when am I going back to college?"
Josh also constantly googles "Jerry Mendell". Sometimes he'll type in the search box, "When did Jerry Medell die?" or "How did Jerry Mendell die?" All these articles show up on bereavement or some other Jerry Mendell. All of this, of course, just confuses Josh who is already totally and completely confused!! Now when he types in the search box "How did Jerry Mendell die?", this blog entry will show up....
I took Josh to the newly renovated Balboa Theater in San Diego to see a Bellydance Extravaganza. We went with my girlfriend, Devora. I figured this will be entertaining, which it was, and Josh will enjoy the show. He drove me absolutely nuts the entire show constantly asking every few seconds, "When do I go back to college, Mom...." I almost lost it a few times and was ready to pull an Auntie Rosie and pinch him really hard under the armpit... Before the show, we went into Starbucks and were sitting down having a muffin and coffee, when some kid comes up to Josh, taps him on the shoulder and hands him a small cardboard box about 2"x4" and runs out the door. I immediately grabbed it out of Josh's hand and placed it on another table. I said, "Josh, don't touch that...we don't know what it is..." Josh had a meltdown!! He started screaming, "Give me that f---ing box." Needless to say, everyone in the place turned and stared at us. I was trying to reason with Josh. I then asked the guy sitting next to us who was doing very complicated mathmatical calculations on his computer, "Do you have any idea what's in this box?" He says, "Oh, it's nothing, just some kind of promotional toy car." I held the box out at arm's length just in case there was a bomb in it, and opened it. It was some stupid yellow ugly beanie hat with the Scion logo on it.... Josh insisted on wearing the stupid hat which I grabbed off his head and stuffed in my purse.... We then went to the theatre and by the time the show was over, I was ready for the loony bin. We went home and I got the house ready for an Academy Award get together.
About ten of my girlfriends came over and we drank wine, ate rich cheeses and laughed a lot. (So much for the China Study, Mike!) At one point we were all sitting around the kitchen table and Josh asks one of my girlfriends, "Caroline,what's my middle name?" We just all cracked up. That was random we thought. If Josh saw someone he hadn't seen before, he would ask them, "What's your name?" Every once in while Josh would leave the room, go to the computer room, then come back into the kitchen and say hi to everyone as if it was the first time he was seeing them that evening... We don't even know who won half the awards. In fact, I missed the entire year of movies. The only movie I saw last year was the Bee movie....and that was over my head....
Oh God, Josh is up and is standing over my shoulder as I type this. I thought I would squeeze in a blog update before he woke up. No such luck. Now it's "When am I going back to college?" time...which he just asked me. I told him to go to the kitchen and get a yogurt out of the frig. As he's walking to the kitchen I hear, "Mom, where's Dad?" See what I have to live with every day!!!!! The questions start as soon as Josh wakes up. There is no grace period!
Let's see. Do I have any good news to report???? Ummmmmmmm......... Josh is doing very well with his male caregivers and tutor. On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays, he gets tutored from 4 to 6 in all the basics with Mike. I probably already told you that... He loves Mike and can focus and concentrate for two straight hours!!! He shakes his hand when he sees him and when he leaves. It's cute. Don continues to come over three or four times a week to hang out and play pool, cards, poker, monopoly, chess, word games and whatever else will stimulate Josh's troubled brain. Christopher continues to take Josh to the gym twice a week and now we have added Yoga for the physically challenged which is sponsored by Sharp Rehab. So, we're taking part in their golf, yoga and weight training programs which are all great. Last night Josh and Christopher went to the first yoga class. Josh did not perseverate once during the entire 50 minutes which is pretty amazing.... no questions!!! At the end of the yoga session when everyone was winding down and meditating or whatever they do, Josh says, "What's my name?" Everyone in the class just cracked up laughing... I guess Josh was maybe a little too relaxed and forgot his name.... Christopher said he almost fell asleep. I need to check out that class. I need it!!!
I think I have come to terms so to speak with Josh's brain injury. I am doing cardio tennis which is an incredible workout to wind down. It helps me cope with the madness... I have a telephonic conference set up for March 18 with Dr. David Perlmutter of Naples, Florida. Mike turned me on to his Better Brain Book and BrainRecovery.com publications. (Josh just walked into the room with the million dollar question, "When am I going back to college, Mom?".....) I think Mike will participate in the phone conference. Two heads are better than one... I sent Dr. Perlmutter Josh's medical records including the original MRI of Josh's brain which was done a few days after the injury. I am looking forward to some great advice and getting Josh as well as he can be....
Colin, Cathy and Zach are coming to visit us. Have the kids read this blog before they do so they know what they're getting into..... Thank God for XBOX!!
I'll keep you posted. Love to everyone!! Hope Mike, Angie and Tyler will come out for Natalie's graduation and the US Open. Go Angie!! She is amazingly strong!! Can you believe she is working 6-8 hours a day on top of it all?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
"I REALLY WANT TO HAVE A DRINK WITH DAD..."
Josh continues to perseverate about his father... it's truly maddening! I suppose it is not as bad as it once was, but everything seems to be a blur these days. It is hard for me to see that Josh is, indeed, improving. It is just so S L O W. I can barely stand it.
Ever since Josh turned 21, he mentions several times a day that he can now legally drink alcohol. He said to me a few days ago, "Mom, I really want to have a drink with Dad..." That's pretty wild, isn't it? I tell him if he keeps it up, I will kill him and then he can have his drink with his father... I was downstairs in the bar area the other day and came across a shot glass which read "ALCOHOL HAS MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY". I am sure Josh bought this stupid shot glass somewhere and thought it was funny at the time. Not so funny now.....
On a good note, Dr. Stenehjem said that Josh will get "significantly better" with time. How much better is the big mystery! No one knows. The brain is just a stupid big piece of fat! Did you know the brain is 60% fat, a substance known to be highly sensitive to free radicals? It's just so bizarre.
I am sick of seeing brain damaged people. I know this is not a nice thing to say, but I truly prefer that Josh be around people with at least half a brain -- you know...normal people like you and me. It just gets so depressing to see young people who have had strokes, horrible car and motorcycle accidents, aneurysms, etc. Just last week, when we went to the "golf for the physically challenged" program, we met a kid in his 20's who just got out of a diabetic coma. It was so sad. It took him nearly 1 minute to stoop down and pick up his golf ball. One minute doesn't sound like a long time, but believe me it is! It only takes 2 seconds to pick up a golf ball from the green. After a while I started picking up this kid's golf ball and John, the pro, told me, "Let him pick it up. You have to be patient..." I will say that John is a true saint, a gem of a man...so kind and compassionate! I love that guy. So now, I just hyperventilate and let the brain damaged pick up their own friggin' golf balls....
Josh is getting better at golf. His balance is improving and he is making better contact with the ball. He still insists on using the wedge for all the short holes and thinks he can do what he did before the accident. I am still not sure whether he knows he even had an accident....
Here's Josh with Christopher Blin. They work out twice a week and practice chipping and putting at Lomas.
Josh is still an outpatient at Sharp Rehab. He still has occupational and speech therapy several times a week. I have hired a great tutor named Mike Jones to work with Josh several hours a week at home. They work on basic stuff -- math, english, science, geography. Josh still remains a "team player" and is pretty enthusiastic. Josh still goes to Cognition Ignition every week. He works with David who is a great teacher and an extremely optimistic guy. Everything is costing a fortune, but I need to get Josh better so he can live independently. I often tell Josh that if he does not put on some speed and get better fast then one of us is going to be institutionalized!! Josh laughs... he definitely gets things and still has a great sense of humor.
Natalie just went to her winter formal. Here she is!
Above, from left to right, Zach, Rachel, Natalie, and Ian, her date.
Love to everyone ! Thanks for keeping up with Josh's S L O W progress and reading this blog!