It's been years since I have published a post on Josh. He's 35 !!!

 I am still emotionally exhausted from taking care of Josh every day even though I have great help.  It's the perseveration that is exhausting - relentless questions over and over.  It's like Chinese torture - drip, drip, drip, drip until you go crazy !!!   I do love Josh.  He has great spirit and can sometimes be fun.  He is still very difficult to understand because of the severe dysarthria - slurring of the speech and unclear articulation - due to the brain injury.  Here we are at Christmas time last year.  

We are fully vaccinated and have managed to stay healthy.  We are thankful.

Pray for the people of Ukraine !  Support President Biden !  He is doing all he can to support Ukraine while keeping us out of World War III.  

Another holiday has come and gone. Josh is now 30 years old ! Holy smokes...we're all getting old !!

Christmas 2016

Josh's birthday falls on December 26.  Every year since Josh's brain injury, his buddies come over to say hi and socialize.  It's like a big reunion and Josh absolutely loves it.

This year we had a good turn out.  There's Josh in the middle with his arm around Lauryn.  It's always great to see Josh's buddies and to hear what they're doing.  We don't see them that often.  It's kind of them to remember Josh on his birthday.   Josh will wake up the next day and not remember a thing.  He constantly asks me, "How old am I?"  This year marked his 30th birthday...that's a big one.  Now Josh constantly asks several times a day, "Am I 30?"  I say, "Yeah, Josh you're 30!."  

Brain injuries suck !!!! Being a caregiver for a brain-injured loved one is very difficult and emotionally draining !!!

I have not posted on Josh's blog in many months.  Time is a blur when you are a caregiver.  The days all mesh together and it is difficult to think clearly.  It is more difficult to stay upbeat and positive.   It is also very expensive to care for your loved one.  I have literally spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on Josh.  His injury happened in March of 2007...  more than 9 years ago.  Holy smokes !!!

I do not leave Josh alone.  When I go out, I have a caregiver for Josh.  It is a safety issue as Josh has no working memory.  He does not know what he does from moment to moment.  He literally lives in the moment.   His memory of an event probably lasts no more than 10 minutes.   He knows what he is doing when he is doing it, but the event (whatever he is doing -- i.e., playing Xbox, watching a movie, being on the computer, etc.) does not gel in his brain due to his injury.  Josh will watch a Padre game on television or go to a Chargers game and literally have no recollection of seeing the game within 15 minutes of it happening.  It is very strange.  It is all due to the anoxic brain injury.  It is very sad and hard to deal with.  

This morning Josh came to my bedroom at 6 a.m. and in his slurry voice told me he was getting the newspaper.  I heard the front door open.  After several minutes Josh did not return with the paper as usual.  I jumped out of bed and looked for Josh.  There was no sign of him any where.  I shouted his name and heard him from afar.  Josh had opened the gate to our gated community and walked down the street to the kiosks that have free newspapers such as The Rancho Santa News.  This was the first time that Josh had ever left our house and wandered off.  "Oh no!!", I thought....a new challenge.  I told Josh to never leave the gate as he could have easily been locked out and I could have still been sleeping.  Josh immediately started screaming, "Send me back to college, you bit**!!!"  

It is very difficult to reason with Josh when he is agitated.  

What a way to wake up !!!  It is hard to always speak in the correct tone of voice and be loving & caring.  Sometimes you just want to scream at the top of your lungs!!  "Why me ??!!!???"  No words can describe the pain a mother feels for her brain-injured son.  It is like a death every single day.  You think of what your son was like when he was a child -- smart, intelligent, ahead of his time, funny....

Now he is on social security disability and Medicare, has bathroom accidents, slurs his speech, walks with a gait, has balance issues and is a prisoner of the past.  ("Mom, is Michael Jackson dead ?  "Where is Mary?"  (my mother, his grandmother who died years ago....);  "Where are Ruffy and Daisy?" (our dogs who died years ago...) "Where is John Lennon?"  "Where is Junior Seau?"

AD INFINITUM    How sad is that !?!?  Nobody understands what you are going through.  All of your friends tell you, "You should be doing this and that....blah, blah, blah......"  "You need to do this and that....blah, blah, blah....."  THEY DON'T GET IT !!!!   

PERSEVERATION sucks.  This is when they do or say the same thing over and over and over again until you want to lay down and die !!!!  

I am trying to stay healthy so I can continue to care for Josh.  I will be 63 this month, not exactly a spring chicken.  haha !  I tried putting Josh at the Howard House on the weekends so I could have some free time but I did not feel comfortable about the situation.  I dropped him off on a Thursday and picked him up on Monday.  He was in the exact same clothes as when I dropped him off, he reeked of body odor and was filthy...  When I arrived, he was at the computer playing solitaire.  He said, "Mom, get me out of here !"   All of the other patients of the facility were sitting in their wheelchairs, off to one side of the room.... How depressing is that !!!  No interaction.  SAD !!!!  

 I am trying to make the most of my free time.   Music is a big part of my life.  It soothes the soul !   

That's all for now......      Josh, Me and Natalie

Josh looks pretty darn good, doesn't he ?  

Boogie-Woogie played by Paula Mendell

This post has nothing to do with Josh and his brain injury.  I thought I would post it for your listening pleasure.  Hope you like it.  Josh is my biggest fan !  Haha.  He thinks I hung the moon since his brain injury.  It wasn't exactly that way before the injury.  

Brain Injury Walk at DeAnza Cove, March 2014

I haven't updated Josh's blog since May of 2013.  That is pretty bad!  I guess I am burnt out as Josh's primary caregiver and no longer the cheerleader I once was....  Woe is me!  Since May of 2013, not too much has changed in Josh's life.  The good thing is he has not passed out recently!  Yah!  His orthostatic hypotension is under control (drop in blood pressure causing one to pass out (yuck!) and Josh is staying hydrated.  So, no trips to the emergency room lately.  That's a good thing!

Last Saturday (March 29th), we did the San Diego Brain Injury Foundation Walk at DeAnza Cove and it went quite well.  Josh, Zack (Josh's loyal and dedicated teacher), Natalie (his sister), Rachill (Natalie's friend) and I all walked for the cause.  They called it a walk for recovery.  I wish it were as simple as that.  You walk a few miles and you're recovered!  That would be wonderful.  It was actually quite emotional for me.  When we arrived at De Anza Cove, I was overwhelmed with emotion to see so many brain injured survivors there for the cause -- victims of car accidents, amputees, people in wheelchairs, people with walkers, stroke victims, aneurism victims, heart attack victims --  it is all so SAD I can't tell you.  Josh was a real champ!  He walked the three miles with ease.  In looking around me, I was immediately thankful that Josh was not in a wheelchair, could read  write, and speak.  So many victims are in wheelchairs and on life support (feeding tubes and trachs) and will be for the rest of their lives.  Although Josh is compromised in so many ways (no working memory, balance issues, perseveration, dysarthria (slurring of the speech)), he is not on any life support.  This is a wonderful thing!

Here's Josh wearing his Brain Injury Awareness, Survive Headstrong, Walk for Recovery tee shirt with his teacher Zack Dyl (far right), Natalie (second from the left) and Natalie's friend, Rachill at the big event.  I haven't checked the numbers yet, but I heard they raised over $50,000 !  That's pretty good, but really a drop in the buck in the big scheme of things.  Brain injuries are extraordinarily expensive!  As the sign above says, "Brain injury costs society an estimated $60 billion per year"!!  If you think you have excellent health insurance coverage, think again...  A brain injury is costly and can be financially devastating to families.  Not only are you dealing with the emotional aspect of the injury 24 hours a day, you have to provide care to your loved ones.  Very pricey....

But Josh is worth every penny!

Here's Josh holding a copy of his friend's book which was just published called The Skinny Confidential by Lauryn Evarts.  There is beautiful Lauryn.  My daughter, Natalie and I went to Lauryn's booksigning event at Rancho Valencia last weekend and picked up a personally autographed copy for Josh.  He was thrilled.  Josh and Lauryn have known each other their entire lives.  He has has adored Lauryn since grade school....  

The next blog entry will be on perseveration.  What is that you ask?  Stay tuned....

Love from the Mendell Family --  Happy Belated New Year!  This photo was taken New Year's Day, 2014 at Fletcher Cove in Solana Beach.  xoxoxoxo

Josh is now suffering from a condition called orthostatic hypotension.  This condition is a total and complete drag because it sometimes causes Josh to pass out.  Orthostatic hypotension causes a person's blood pressure to suddenly fall when standing up or stretching.  Medically it is a drop in the systolic blood pressure of at least 20 mms and a drop in the diastolic blood pressure of at least 10 mms when a person assumes the standing position.  Josh used to have a very high metabolism.  He would go to the gym with Don and work out like mad.  He'd get on one of the machines and burn 500-600 calories.  Now it is as if Josh is in slow motion.  He acts as if he is running out of batteries.  He is slow and lethargic.  A few times like today he has passed out and ended up in the Emergency Room of Scripps Hospital.  It is just horrible.  When Josh passes out, it is in the morning.  When this happens, I call 911. The paramedics come to the house, hook Josh up to an IV and take him to the ER.  I follow along in the car, panic-stricken and scared to death thinking "Why is this happening?  We were doing so well and now this?!"  

Here is Josh in the ER smiling away in spite of his condition.

Today I decided to research the causes of orthostatic hypotension and try to figure out what could possibly cause Josh to go from one extreme to another.  Why was he full of energy many months ago?  Why is he now lethargic and slow?  Well, a possible cause of orthostatic hypotension is the long term use of Lexapro, an anti-depressant.  Josh has been taking Lexapro every evening since he had the brain injury.  That's six years of accumulated Lexapro in his system.   The doctors explained that Lexapro could be calming to Josh and help lessen his libido.  These are good things as you don't want an aggressive, brain injured 20-something-year-old craving sex and acting inappropriately.  HOWEVER, you don't want your kid passing out either.  So, what do you do?  The cardiologists prescribe Midodrine which increases your heart rate.  Josh takes 5 mgs of Midodrine three times a day -- at 9 a.m., at noon and at 5 p.m.  So, now Josh is on two meds - one to calm him down, decrease his libido and cause orthostatic hypotension and one med to increase his blood pressure due to the side effect of the Lexapro which most likely caused the orthostatic hypotension.  It's kind of crazy.  I have decided to give Josh a smaller dose of the Lexapro (2.5 mgs which Dr. Stenehgem suggested) and continue with the Midodrine for a while, but to closely monitor Josh's blood pressure.  Midodrine can cause high blood pressure which is not a good thing.  

On a good note, Josh is very calm now and very appropriate.  He used to have no filter which is very common with brain injuries.  For example, a year or so ago, if Josh saw a very beautiful girl, he would walk up to her and give her a hug.  This is unfiltered behavior and can be offensive.  Josh does not do that any more.  He is reserved.  A year or so ago, if Josh saw someone that looked Hispanic, he would immediately start speaking in Spanish to that person, "Hola, como esta?", he would say.  This would, at times, offend the person.  Josh does not act like that anymore. When I bring Josh with me to the office, he will watch a movie on his PSP or play Lumosity on the computer or go on Facebook.  He is quiet and sticks to the task, sometimes for hours intently concentrating on whatever it is he is doing, totally oblivious to his surroundings.  A year or so ago, Josh would talk to every customer that came into Reliable Pipe.  He would blurt out, "What's your name?"  Those days are gone.  We now have the new and improved, reserved Josh.  I guess that is progress.  It is certainly easier to manage Josh when we go places.  It is easy for Josh's caregivers.  They like hanging out with Josh because he is easy and appropriate.  It is just so strange how brain injuries work.  

Josh is now 26 years old.

12/26/12

Happy 26th Birthday, Josh!

You have come a long way!  

dentedego - Paula and Josh- A Mothers Devotion and Loyalty

Josh and I at Candela's downtown at happy hour.

Yum.

dentedego - Paula and Josh- A Mothers Devotion and Loyalty

Check out this video that Brad put together from DentedEgo. Also, check out dentedego.com. It's a social network about people helping one another in need, regardless of what that need is.

It's been ages since I have updated Josh's blog. So much has happened. It's been over a year since the last update. The wheels are definitely turning in Josh's brain. It is good for him, but more challenging for me. As you can see from this picture of Josh, he can definitely multitask. He is playing Play Station Portable and is on facebook at the same time.

Josh's metabolism is now very speedy. He is pretty fit -- works out at the gym with his caregivers, Don and Rob. He continues to go to the ABI Program with his teacher, Zack. Zack also does brain-training with Josh every day, does yoga and stretching, takes walks at the beautiful parks in San Diego, takes Josh to his weekly swim lesson and his weekly Spanish lesson with Fernando, one of Josh's fellow ABI students. Josh's schedule is diverse and he is very lucky to have such great guys working with him. Oh yeah, we can't forget Mike Jones, Josh's tutor who helps Josh with his speech, reading, writing and "community skills".

Josh is now full of energy. Everything you hear about being exhausted after a brain injury does not apply to Josh. Josh will stay up all night if you let him. He will play Madden for hours, but is now doing a host of different things. For example, he got into sorting things and "organizing". One day he took every video and DVD out of it's case and starting putting them in different piles. He started throwing away numerous movies including Natalie's latest Christmas gift -- the entire last season of Glee. We, of course, told him this was not acceptable and that he couldn't throw out these DVDs simply because he didn't want them. We also told him that the cases protect the DVDs from getting all scratched up. After I put them all back in their cases, Josh took them all out again. We went back and forth with this. Finally, I just gave up and told him, "Don't throw any videos away, just put them in a separate pile and we'll deal with it later..." Josh also got into this thing where he was going through all his old school papers, notebooks, football and baseball cards and started putting things in trash bags. He'd say, "Throw all this away." At first I was upset, but then I decided that Josh was right about a lot of things. We did have too much junk from years past. So, I started sorting things out with him and we ended up throwing out tons of old school papers -- reports that he had written, old homework assignments, you name it.... We cleaned his room. It's easy to just throw everything in a drawer in the desk and forget about it. The good news is we got rid of a lot of junk and Josh's room is clean.

Josh's teachers at the ABI Program thought that Josh's sorting and organizing was a big breakthrough and was a good thing. Something in his brain was definitely waking up and causing him to "organize" things. I was thinking, "Is this obsessive, compulsive behavior?" It seemed obsessive at the time. Now it's over and we're on to the next thing whatever that may be. You never know what the future holds.... Just when I thought Josh was fairly predictable, he changed. I just don't want him to get into the hundreds of boxed football and baseball cards that are in his closet. When Josh was in grade school he would collect and organize those cards for hours. I think he has several complete collections and they are worth money. It would be a drag to wake up one morning and find Josh in a heap of cards sorting like a madman...

Josh went through a phase where he was getting up at 5:30 a.m. every morning. This really was a drag for me since I used to love to wake up early, make coffee, read in bed and chill for a while before the day got crazy and hectic. I was thinking, "I can't get a break... this is a drag..." This went on for several months. Now Josh is sleeping in until 7:15 or so. It's crazy when I think about how he used to sleep until noon or one o'clock. Now he's waking up with the birds.

Josh is still very difficult to understand which is frustrating for me since I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on speech therapists. It seems that the more his brain wakes up, the faster he talks. He slurs all his words together. He just came into the computer room, looked over my shoulder as I was typing this and said, "F U".

Josh is still very happy, very much of a team player, is extremely social and wants to talk to everyone including strangers. If we go to dinner, he wants to participate in everyone's conversation. The other night we were at the Fish Market and a couple of guys were watching the basketball game and talking about Michael Jordan. Josh then got up, went over to their table and said something totally indecipherable. Most people are good natured about this type of thing, but sometimes people really get freaked out and don't know what to say. It's like Josh has no filter and just reacts to a situation. This is called lack of executive function in the brain injury world. I am trying to work with Josh on this. It's tough. Josh will sometimes just scream like a crazy person. The screaming only lasts a few seconds and then he says, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." At least he knows that screaming is inappropriate.

A few months ago Josh started complaining that his heart "felt funny". One day as we were driving to work, Josh said, "Take me to the hospital. My heart feels funny." I said, "What do you mean your heart feels funny? What does it feel like? Are you in pain?" Josh said, "I have discomfort." I was thinking to myself, "Well, we have an appointment with Dr. Stenehgem at Sharp Rehab at 11:00. Why don't we just wait until then." I asked Josh if he felt it was an emergency and he said, "No, not really." So we went to work. I gave Josh an aspirin when we got to work. He then had a big breakfast from Lolita's and was laughing and joking with everyone. I figured everything was fine. We went to see Dr. Stenehgem at 11:00. I told him what Josh was saying about his heart and he suggested an EKG. The following morning, I took Josh to see Dr. Cortes, our family practitioner, and Josh had an EKG. Everything was fine. The next day Josh started complaining about his heart again. He said, "Take me to the hospital. I am in discomfort. It's my heart..." Josh was pacing. I decided to take him to the emergency room at Scripps. We went to the hospital, stayed there until the wee hours of the morning and after several tests the doctor said, "Josh is fine. We can't find anything." We went home and went to bed. Josh will periodically say, "My heart hurts. My heart feels funny." I have come to the conclusion that he is doing this to get my undivided attention. If I am talking with my girlfriends at a restaurant, Josh will say, "Mom it's my heart." Now, I have learned to say,

"Josh, you're fine. You're just a little anxious." Thankfully, Josh has not complained about his heart lately.

In spite of the fact that Josh is getting more challenging, he is also getting more manageable in many ways. I took him to the theater for the first time a few weeks ago and he did very well. We went to see Guys and Dolls at the Lamb's Theater in Coronado. Josh greeted everyone he saw but once the play started, Josh stayed focused and really enjoyed the show.

I think things are getting better. I have a permanent companion! Lucky me.

Thanks for reading Josh's blog.

Josh is reading an old post on the blog so it's time for an update!

Josh and Me at Torrey Pines Lodge having breakfast.

Mike, Angie and Tyler came to visit this summer. It was fun!

From left to right, Mike, Josh, Angie, Natalie and Tyler.

Don and Josh at Barona Casino where Josh made some money playing

Texas Hold 'Em.

This is what Josh did to his leg when he drove a golf cart!

It was horrible! This picture was taken at Scripps Hospital.

I think I better update Josh's blog before the year is over. Time is flying and before you know it Christmas will be here. I haven't updated Josh's blog in months. I am totally and completely burnt out on Josh's brain injury. I just walked in the computer room a few minutes ago and Josh had just googled, "When does Josh Mendell go back to Arizona?" Josh was reading an old blog post from 2008.... here we are two years later and it's the same old stuff. Josh keeps asking about college. Everyday he sends me a message on Facebook, "Send me back to Zona!" It's very nerve-racking and crazy... He apparently has some very vivid memories of his college days at U of A and thinks about it every now and then. I refer him to a tab in his planner which explains what happened to him and why he's not at college. I'll tell him, "Your brain needs to heal." Josh will scream, "My brain has healed!" Sometimes I'll say, "Don't you think you need a memory in order to return to college?" This is really not a good thing to say because sometimes he'll get angry. Sometimes I'll say, "Your brain is getting better, but you're not totally better." I guess the best thing to say is "Read your planner." It's better than trying to explain every time he asks...

Josh is now perseverating big time on his driver's license. He constantly asks, "Where's my driver's license?" So now we have a license tab in the back of his planner which explains why he doesn't have a driver's license. So when Josh asks this question, I say, "Read your planner." The planner explains about his DUI and the fact that the cop took his driver's license. It also explains that two days after his DUI he ended up in a coma from an overdose. He reads the planner, then goes downstairs and plays XBOX. Every so often, he'll yell, "Mom, where's my license?" It's very frustrating...

Speaking of driving, Don M., one of Josh's trainers and caregivers, let Josh drive a golf cart at the club, and Josh ended up with severe lacerations on his left leg. Instead of putting on the brakes, he stuck his leg outside of the golf cart and badly skinned his shin. It was horrible and extremely poor judgment on Don's part. I was livid. I took Josh to the hospital where they cleaned it up, put wound gel on it and covered it. He had an open wound for almost a month. I took him back to the hyperbaric oxygen clinic and he had several sessions. That's behind us now. After the injury, Josh would look at his leg and ask "What happened to my leg?" I had to make another tab in the planner called LEG and write a detailed explanation of what happened. I would tell Josh to refer to his planner whenever he asked the question. This was maddening...

It is still very hard for me to see Josh's progress, but his teachers at the ABI Program constantly tell Zack (Josh's caregiver and teacher who drives him every day to ABI) that Josh is improving. In fact, Josh is now attending the ABI Program in the afternoons as well as the mornings. The afternoon sessions are held at a cultural center downtown and are more like college classes meaning that you can pick which class you want to attend that day, such as reading comprehension, analytical reasoning and speech. This is a good thing. Josh's speech continues to be a problem and I have enrolled him in weekly sessions with Herb Hein at the Hein Speech Center. It is expensive, but hopefully will pay off over time. Herb is very animated and fun. Josh is enjoying the sessions and hopefully the constant cueing will pay off. We are constantly telling Josh, "Speak one syllable at a time...slowly." We also had a session with one of Josh's ABI teachers, Julie, who came to the house and taught us some of the exercises for the Beckman Oral Motor Assessment & Intervention method. This method actually calls for the speech teacher (or someone) to physically manipulate some of the muscles around the mouth. For example, the upper lip stretch requires that you put your index figure sideways on the upper lip and massage side to side. There are a series of exercises which we are supposed to do, but this requires that you put on rubber gloves and physically do the manipulations to the muscles. I can honestly say that I do not do this religiously with Josh. In fact, every day I say I am going to do the exercises with Josh, but then I don't. The exercises really don't take that much time, so I should definitely do them. I am just burnt out and sick of the whole thing!

I also have hired Pedro Leon, a physical therapist and brain injury consultant, to help with Josh's physical exercises. He has gone to the gym with Don on several occasions and instructed him on what he should be doing with Josh to maximize his balance and even out his left side which sustained more damage than the right side. Pedro wrote out a specific routine which Don now does with Josh when they go to the gym. Hopefully, this will help.

My nephew, Zach, came to stay with us for a few weeks this summer and was dying to go to a casino since he was 18 and could legally gamble at the Indian casinos. We went to Barona one evening. Natalie, Zach and I bopped around the casino and played slots while Josh and Don went to the poker room. Josh was walking as fast as he could. He was so thrilled to be in the casino. He knew just where to go and what to do. He ended up making some money playing Texas Hold 'Em. At first, he was down $52, but then ended up with $120. When Natalie, Zack and I went to check on him, there he was sitting with stacks of $1 chips in front of him. It looked like a lot of money, but all the chips were $1 chips. It's pretty amazing that Josh's short term memory works just fine when he's in a poker game. He was all smiles and remembered that he won for about two hours. That was fun.

That's all the news for now, folks. Thanks for keeping up with Josh's progress. Hopefully next time I update the blog I'll have some amazing breakthroughs to report.

It's been five months since I published a post on Josh's blog. Here's an update

We survived another Christmas and even managed to send out Happy Holiday greetings to our friends and family. The first half of the alphabet received a Happy Holidays greeting card and the second half of the alphabet received a Happy New Year's card. I didn't send out New Year's cards until almost the end of January. Oh well, I am behind in my life and am feeling pretty tired and overwhelmed lately. This, too, will pass as they say. I am actually very fortunate and have a great deal to be thankful for. I could be in a homeless tent with no family and friends in sight... My business is literally 15 yards from the Alpha Project Homeless tent which is set up each year for several months. I see people that are down and out every day and I think to myself, "Wow, how did it come to this?" The City of San Diego has slashed the hours of the police who are part of the Homeless Task Force which is really a shame. These are truly the only cops that I like since they act more like social workers and actually have files on most of the people in the streets. They do a lot of good in getting the homeless the help which they need. Times are really tough right now and we're seeing more and more people that are homeless that don't look the part at all...

Oh yeah, this blog is about Josh. I haven't updated the blog in five months. That's a long time. I think I have a lot to tell. I actually think Josh has improved a bit. Josh still wakes up every morning a happy camper. He whistles for the dogs and calls them in his high pitched voice, "Ruffy, Daisy!" He's sweet. Then he'll immediately go downstairs to fire up the XBOX and will scream every now and then that he's in the Super Bowl. He'll manipulate the game so the other team, most likely, the Raiders, cannot score at all. Nothing. Not even a field goal. Then, he'll yell, "Mom! Mom!" I'll go downstairs and he'll proudly show me the score with a huge smile on his face....something like 120 to 0. I'll say, "Congratulations! You're amazing." Then, I tell Josh he has to get ready for the ABI Program. He is still going four days a week. He is participating in class discussions and is somewhat of a ring leader now which is great. He still has terrible dsyarthria (slurring of the speech), but he'll keep talking until you understand what he's saying. He is very social and is still a team player. He just does not realize cognitively the seriousness of his injury which I think is probably a good thing in many ways. The psychologist used to tell me, "Just wait. Josh will eventually get extremely depressed over his condition..." This has not happened. I have stopped seeing Dr. B because I felt after seeing her for almost 2 years that I was not getting any useful information. Besides her office was piled so high with yellow legal pads that it made me nervous to sit in a rocking chair next to her and talk. One day I said to her, "You could probably just throw away that towering pile of notes and never miss a thing..." She just kind of smiled back. Not only did she have piles and piles of papers every where, she had half empty water bottles all over the place and bags of almonds and tins of mints every where. The waiting room was always full of patients and she spread herself so thin, it was not conducive to healing. Enough about her. Back to Joshy.

It's little things that I see that I make a mental note of and say to myself, "Yeah, I think Josh is getting better or at least more aware of what is happening around him." For example, Josh used to (and often still does) read every sign he saw while I was driving. He'd say, "Wells Fargo now open", "Chevy's Tex Mex", "Denny's open 24 hours", etc. Now he'll see a new restaurant and say, "We should try that place." Yesterday when we were driving through Little Italy, Josh asked if we could stop and eat at a new place.

The other day at dinner, Josh asked the waiter what the difference was between the shrimp tempura roll and some other roll. I was pretty impressed. I know this may sound like nothing to you guys, but it is a breakthrough. Josh is getting more cognitive.

A few days ago, Josh was multi-tasking. He was playing Play Station Portable and was on Facebook at the same time. He had the PSP in one hand and was typing with the other. He had never done that before. Speaking of Facebook, Josh is so cute, one day he wrote on his wall, "What day is it?" Somebody sent him a link to the day and time which I thought was cute. One day he wrote on my wall, "Mom, when am I going back to college?" Another time he wrote, "Mom, I love you." He wrote in his profile a single sentence -- "I love myself." He's funny. He constantly checks on Brittany's Facebook to see what she is doing and where she is. He still asks, "Am I still going out with Brittany?" He constantly tries to call her old cell number which now belongs to someone else. I think Josh told whoever answered the phone what our phone number was because the phone rang one night, I answered it and this guy says to me, "Someone from your house is calling and talking to my wife and he is speaking a 'foreign' language and it is annoying...." I explained to the guy that it was my son who had a brain injury and was dialing up his old girlfriend's cell phone number. The guy was understanding... Apparently, they just had a baby and it was annoying to constantly hear from Josh. Josh remembers everything from the past concerning numbers. He remembers every gate code we have ever had. Sometimes when we are walking home from dinner, he'll start pressing all these old combinations to get the gate to open. It's amazing that he remembers the combinations. Josh also remembers every maid that we have ever had. Sometimes before he goes to bed, he'll say, "Where's Elva?" or "Where's Matilda?" These gals have been gone for years.

Josh is now perseverating on a host of different topics. It used to be, "Where's Dad?" twenty four hours a day. I would say Josh's favorite topic to be stuck on is my age. He is absolutely amazed at my age. He'll say, "How old are you?" I tell him 56 and he says, "Oh, wow!!!" The other night my girlfriend, Ellen was having dinner with us and Josh whispers in my ear, "Who is older you or Ellen?" He has that smirk on his face. He just gets the biggest kick out of this age thing. He asks Mike Jones, Zack, and Don Mooney every day how old they are. He sometimes says, "Mom, how old am I? 23? 24?" Besides the age thing, Josh is now perseverating big time on the Super Bowl. He asks ten times a day or more, "Who's in the Super Bowl?" He also asks who the Chargers lost to in the playoffs. Josh cannot store what you tell him or what he sees or what he does for longer than a few minutes. He cannot transfer the event to the long-term memory part of his brain. The synapses do not connect. The event just dissipates and is gone from his mind. Every once in a great while, he will remember something that occurred a day or so ago.

Josh is doing hyperbaric oxygen therapy again. He has had four treatments in two weeks. Two back to back sessions and now he's going once a week. The treatments will keep him healthy and hopefully help with his balance.

That's it for now! Thanks for reading Josh's blog! Family and friends, please stop by any time. We had a great xmas holiday with our cousins, Chrissy and Bruce, pictured above in front of the Hotel Del Xmas tree!

Old fun pictures

Xmas 2008

Sarah and Me in Washington DC

Washington DC

December 2008

Last year - Russ, Jill and Josh at the Brig in Coronado

The Lopez girls came to visit a few months ago.

Martha and her daughters, Alana, Gina, Sabrina and grandgirls!

JOSH RETURNS TO WEST CITY CAMPUS ABI PROGRAM

Josh and his teacher, Julie

who is a speech pathologist at the ABI Program

(Acquired Brain Injury) at West City Campus

Julie tells Josh that his goal is to be understood by others. They do various speech exercises in class to accomplish this goal. Josh has dysarthria which is the inability to articulate words distinctly due to his brain injury. Hopefully with time Josh's speech will improve. It is interesting that when Josh first came out of the coma, his speech seemed clearer than it is now. Then as more time passed and his brain continued to heal, his speech became more slurred. This is because his brain is thinking faster now and Josh is speaking faster. He does not leave spaces in between his words.

Josh and his teacher, Zack

Zack drives Josh to all his therapies, works out with Josh daily and is a great buddy!







Due to massive budget cuts by the state of California, the ABI (Acquired Brain Injury) program was furloughed for nearly two months. The good news is that the program is starting up again on Tuesday and Josh will start attending once again. The State of California is in a major fiscal crisis. They have cut programs left and right, have closed post offices and DMVs (Department of Motor Vehicles) and have laid off thousands of state workers. State funded programs for the disabled have been hit extremely hard. Luckily, the ABI was not totally cut from the budget, but was furloughed for nearly two months. I did manage to keep in touch with Josh's teachers, Joanne and Julie, during the summer and am happy and thankful that they will be returning come Tuesday, September 8. I need to take a picture of Josh with Joanne, his other ABI teacher and post it on the blog. Joanne has a background in psychology. She is animated, dedicated to her students and fun.

Josh will be attending three days a week or more. The good thing about the ABI program is its flexibility. You can attend as little or as much as you want. It is there for you every single day.

I have been letting Josh sleep late every morning. I tell myself that I must honor the healing power of sleep, believe in the plasticity of the brain and its ability to recover. Come Tuesday, I will have to wake Josh up early and get him to the ABI program on time. The good news is Josh wakes up happy with a big smile on his face. He is a team player and is totally sweet.

Josh still takes swimming lessons with Tim every Tuesday and is making progress. Tim is wonderful and kind -- a very patient man with a big heart. Next time I observe Josh's swim lesson, I want to see him do the butterfly stroke across the pool. That would be nice. Sometimes when I observe Josh in the pool, he just looks all around and does not focus on what Tim is saying. He wants to greet everyone he sees. He waves to everyone and knows all of the staff at Noonan Family Swim by name. It's cute, but maddening. I say, "Josh, focus on what Tim is saying..." I get frustrated. I want results. I want Josh to be BETTER.

I have been experimenting with Josh's meds. He now takes 10 mg. of Lexapro every other day. It seems to be working for him from a cognitive standpoint. He was taking Cymbalta and Lexapro, but was too spacey and lethargic. Mike Jones, his tutor, commented on how slow and lethargic Josh was in the afternoons. He was just spacing out and moving extremely slowly. It would take him forever to get dressed. I couldn't deal with it so I started to experiment with his dosages. Everything seems to be a crap shoot with brain injuries. You have to be your own advocate and take things in your own hands. You try this and you try that.

I am trying to limit Josh's XBOX playing since he will literally melt into the couch and play for hours. He loves the new 2010 John Madden game. They have female commentators and new graphics. I must admit, we take the PSP (Play Station Portable) to dinner and when I take Josh to Reliable. It keeps him occupied and he absolutely loves it.

Some people with brain injuries can't do anything. They have no interests or are totally incapable. I think of this young football player, Scott, who is in a wheelchair, can't walk, can't talk, but understands what you tell him. He got totally nailed on the football field, had some kind of bleed, then went back in the game and got slammed. It is sooooo sad. We met him at HBOT. He has had hundreds of treatments, but is not making the progress Josh made. His poor mother is so worn out. When I think of Scott, I am so thankful.

I am thinking of starting up again with the hyperbaric oxygen treatments. The treatments really help with mobility, circulation and inflammation. The drawback for Josh is the over stimulation. I could use a treatment myself and it would be fun to see Bob Sands and his staff. Bob is the most optimistic guy in the world. He's fun, definitely a breath of fresh air.

Josh still asks the infamous question, "When am I going back to college?" The other day, Mike Jones asked Josh to use the word "confident" in a sentence and Josh said, "I am confident that I will return to college." A year ago if Mike asked Josh the same question, Josh would say something like, "The word confident is in the dictionary."

I decided to update this blog today after seeing the movie, "Julie and Julia". Amy Adams who played Julie in the movie kept a blog about her cooking adventures. She gave herself one year to cook over 400 recipes of Julia Childs. It was very entertaining and Meryl Streep did a phenomenal job of being Julia. The movie also made me want to start cooking, so perhaps tomorrow I will start...

Love to everyone ! Natalie and I are looking forward to seeing everyone in Chicago for Auntie Helen and Uncle Mark's 60th anniversary!

Oh yeah, Natalie is back in Boulder and loving it. She has a brand new apartment (literally just built). We had fun furnishing it! She can walk to campus.

It's been a while....

It's been a while since I have updated the blog. I was waiting for some new and exciting news to share with everyone about Josh's progress. Well, it's not exactly a monumental breakthrough, but it is PROGRESS -- Josh has started the ABI (Acquired Brain Injury) Program at West City Campus in Point Loma and is actually attending classes daily from 9 to noon. He's in a real classroom with great instructors who are totally and completely dedicated to the brain injured -- trues heroes. The ABI program provides guidance to those with brain injuries in areas of self-awareness, social skills, cognitive skills training in areas of memory, problem-solving, organization and time management.

Josh has been so sheltered since the brain injury. All of his therapies have been one on one. It's time to branch out and be in a social setting like a college!!! I was a complete train wreck the first day Josh attended, but Zack was with him and Josh did amazingly well! The first day everyone introduced themselves to Josh and explained what had happened to them -- one by one each person told their pitifully, sad, heart-wrenching story. They would say something like, "Hi Josh, my name is Susan and I was in a terrible car wreck... Hi Josh, is that your name? I have trouble remembering names...forgive me... I had an aneurysm... Hi Josh, welcome to the class, my name is Peter and I had an overdose... Hi Josh, I had a stroke... Hi Josh, my brain was hurt at work... " Josh was silent and totally appropriate. He listened. He did not laugh when someone slurred their speech. He was taking it all in... I, on the other hand, was holding my breath so I wouldn't burst into tears at any moment. It was so hard to listen to their stories. The worst story of all was told by a gentleman who was strapped in his wheelchair with nearly unintelligible, slurred speech... he explained that he went in for surgery and "the doctor made a boo boo." He went to the hospital for some kind of ear operation and ended up with a horrible stroke, which messed up his equilibrium and the right side of his body including his eye... I nearly lost it when I heard his story. How sad and unfair!!

The great thing about the ABI program is that the program allows the instructors to tailor their lessons to the individual challenges of each student. It is small and personal. The students are encouraged to mingle and interact with one another. During the break, Josh went over to a bunch of guys who were playing dominoes and joined in. Zack called me at work to tell me that Josh showed the class how to log onto Facebook. He remembered his new password, logged on and the class applauded him!

Mike Jones, Josh's tutor, had been gearing Josh up for his big debut at the ABI Program. He discussed the program with Josh everyday for about a week prior to him starting the program. He helped Josh with all the paperwork and wrote the dates and times Josh would be attending in his planner. Mike is awesome. That's Mike in the picture at the start of this blog entry.

Natalie is home from college. She had a great first year at Boulder and will be living in an apartment when she returns in the fall. Natalie and I are going to Maui June 3rd and can't wait! I think Josh will soon be traveling with us. I don't want to do a 6 hour flight to start off -- maybe a trip to Chicago. Family, friends, please come visit us! We miss you all !

I have one other thing to tell you all - Josh came with me to a "Gambling Gourmet" party - a bunch of my girlfriends get together once a month at somebody's house and we eat, drink, laugh a great deal and play cards! Well, guess who won all the money -- yeah, you guessed it -- JOSH!! He was a riot. He remembered all the wild cards in each game that we played and kept trying to up the ante. In one game, I kept telling Josh to fold... he held on and his last card was the 5 of hearts for a FULL HOUSE! He took all the money and said, "Mom, let's go. Thank you, Ladies, it's been a pleasure!"

"Girls become lovers that turn into Beasts!"

A few weeks ago while having breakfast the radio was on and John Mayer's tune "Daughters" was playing. Josh and I were singing along with the tune and I sang "Girls become lovers that turn into ____, looking to Josh to fill in the blank and he blurts out "Beasts". It was hysterical. Josh said, "That's what happens, Mom, they turn into beasts!" He's so funny... Josh may have lost his mind, but he hasn't lost his sense of humor. He makes me laugh a lot!


While driving one day, Josh was annoying me with all his persistent and constant questioning about this and that. He looks at me and says, "How old am I?" I said, "Josh, you know how old you are...why do you ask questions that you know the answers to?", and Josh says, "I am insecure." He's so cute... I said, "Are you confused because of the brain injury or insecure?" He says, "I guess I am confused...."

Josh started swimming lessons at Noonan's Family Swim School in Del Mar. Just as Josh had to learn to walk all over again, he has to learn to swim. It took a while to find someone that was willing to take Josh on. It's not easy to find a swim instructor who works individually with someone like Josh unless, of course, you pay through the nose for private therapy and then it's in a hospital-like setting. Josh's instructor, Tim, is from NYC and is very cool. He's smart, animated and fun. The water is warm which helps and Josh is a willing participant. Both Josh and Natalie completed the Junior Lifeguard Program when they were little and were good swimmers. I think it's crucial that everyone know how to swim... Hopefully, Josh will be boogie boarding by the summer.

Josh is also doing FeldenKrais Yoga !

Here's Joshy and his instructor doing FeldenKrais yoga which I learned about after reading, "My Stroke of Insight" by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. I may have mentioned this book before. It's a brain scientist's personal journey to recovery after suffering from a massive stroke. She made a total and complete recovery which took her 8 years. She mentioned that this type of yoga helped her physically heal. Josh used to have private lessons at the house, but now he goes to classes every Monday night at the Encinitas Recreation Center. Don takes him and it's great for Josh to get out and interact with a group.

As for me, I have had a setback with a lateral meniscal tear to the right knee which totally and completely has thrown me for a loop... It hurts and has thrown off my body...my right lower back hurts and I am irritable from the pain. It doesn't help to have tons of stairs all over the place. It particularly hurts when I go down stairs as that movement of bending the knee as you descend stairs pulls at the meniscus. OUCH!!! I am hopping all over the place. I am trying to heal without surgery, but may have to take the plunge if things don't work out. I have had an MRI and two opinions so far... I had a cortisone shot which made me nauseous for two days... yuck! I miss tennis and feel like I am 3000 pounds...not too bueno. I don't do well with ice packs, rest and immobilization...

I just flicked on the tv and saw Dr. Amen on KPBS ranting and raving about being positive in life. He just said something like, "Notice what you love about your life...don't focus about what you hate about your life... this will interfere with creativity, learning and being positive, happy and hopeful..." Easier said than done, huh?

I went to Las Vegas last weekend to hang out with Chicago cousins,Cathy and Zach, at the Palazzo! Zach wanted to check out the hotel and hospitality management program at the university there. We had fun losing money! Carrie made arrangements for us to be in this killer, luxury suite, with three bathrooms and flatscreen tvs all over the place. When you took a shower, you didn't even have to move, you got blasted from every angle with water... very cool. Thanks, Carrie! With minimum bets of $15 and $25 at the tables, you could go broke very fast... We did manage to have one nice dinner at Carnevino...

Cathy and Zach with Humpdy Dumpty somewhere at the Palazzo.

That's it for now! Oh yeah, Natalie.... she is doing great, thank heavens! I'll be going to Boulder to visit in a few weekends! I am trying to keep the sanity with my little trips here and there. It rejuvenates me to get away! When I return from my excursions, I can deal better with Josh.

I want to say thanks to the people who are reading my blog, especially to those who are dealing with loved ones who have brain injuries and for those of you who are dealing with your own brain injuries. It is so difficult and we truly need to support one another in every way we can. For those who read my blog that live in my neck of the woods, (Del Mar and surrounding communities), please email me at paulamendell@gmail.com if you want to get together for coffee to exchange ideas and inspire one another.

We survived the holidays.

Christmas 2008

Well, it's been more than three months since I have updated Josh's blog. I have to get used to this new format since AOL closed their journal service. This blog is presented by Google. All you have to do is open a Google email account and you're good to go.

The holidays have come and gone, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years... We survived and actually had some fun! Natalie was home from college for nearly a month and the house was full of kids coming and going. Natalie is truly the organizer. She brings people together and it is a wonderful gift. Natalie and Josh's pre-injury girlfriend, Brittany, arranged a get together at the house for Josh's 22nd birthday. Natalie made a few phone calls and voila...lots of Josh's college buddies came over and hung out. It was fun for Josh. They brought him a Charger hat and slippers and lots of lottery tickets. He was delighted. They hung out for a bit and played xbox downstairs. I left them alone.

Brittany was home for the holidays and she came to visit Josh several times. She handled things very well and Josh was genuinely happy to see her. He oftens asks me, "Mom, am I still going out with Brittany?" He's trying to sort things out. They haven't been together in several years, but when she heard of Josh's accident, she immediately was in touch wtih Natalie and followed his progress. Josh was shy and cute in front of her and Brittany said, "Wow, Josh is shy now. He's sweet."

Joshy and Brittany, December 2008

The post-injury Josh is sweet and lovable, very different from before.

Natalie and I went to NYC from the 17th of December to the 21st. We had an incredibly fun time, shopping, going to restaurants and shows and of course going to Rockefeller Center to see the infamous xmas tree with all its glitter and glamour. The city was decorated to the nines in spite of the economy. The department stores were all gorgeously adorned and the sales were incredible, 75% off with scanners all over the stores. Natalie and I had to buy another suitcase for all our purchases. We saw Liza Minnelli at the Palace. They serve wine in tipee cups so you don't spill the stuff all over the place. You're allowed to bring the wine to your seat. So I sipped wine and watched Liza sing and dance. She got a standing ovation. The girl can sing like there is no tomorrow, a real entertainer. We saw In the Heights which won a tony award for best musical last year. We both loved it.

These long weekend excursions are good for me because when I return I am refreshed and ready to handle Josh and his craziness. On the flight to NYC I hit the jackpot. I sat next to a neuropsychologist. He was wildly typing on his laptop and glanced over at me and said something about "reports". I asked him what type of work he did and he said he was a neuropsychologist. He was working on IEP's. We talked about Josh and his injury. We talked about hyperbaric oxygen therapy and various medications. He asked me specifically what Josh's symptoms were and I told him about the maddening perseveration and how he asks me over and over again the same questions, "When am I going back to college?"... "Where's Dad?" He said Josh was experiencing anxiety and said for this type of anoxic injury that Josh should be on twice or three times the dose of Lexapro. He said all antidepressants regenerate brain cells. When I got home from NYC, I googled this guy, checked out his credentials, then called Josh's rehab doctor, Dr. S. Dr. S. increased Josh's dosage to 20 mgs. of Lexapro and guess what? Josh is calmer and more focused. He still asks the questions, but less frequently. I also notice small, subtle changes in him. For example, he'll say, "I really miss Dad" or "I wish Dad were here." This is better than "Where's Dad?" Sometimes before he goes to bed, he'll say, "I miss Dad and Armen. I miss Mary, too." I think Josh's mind is flooded with memories of them and he's still sorting things out. He knows they are gone, but thinks about them all the time. One time after having a cranial sacral massage, Josh just sobbed for about one minute and said, "I really miss Dad..." I thought this was a breakthrough... who knows?

Josh stayed up until 1:30 a.m. after the inauguration. He said "Good" when he saw Bush get on the plane to head to Texas. He thinks Obama is "cool". I asked Josh who the vice president was and he said "John McCain"... Josh definitely makes you laugh. Josh was petting Ruffy on the couch as he was watching the events of the inauguration. He says, "Is Ruffy a negro?" -- crazy Josh. When practicing his speech, his tutor gets a hand mirror and asks Josh, "What do you think this mirror is for?" and Josh says, "To admire myself." "No," Mike says, it's to watch your lips when you talk so you'll learn to open your mouth and enunciate clearly." Josh just laughs. He says to Mike, "Is that your car?" Mike says, "yeah." Josh says, "It's okay for a girl." Then he laughs.

Josh is happy and much sweeter, especially to me. He'll say, "Mom, I love you so much. Thanks for everything." Suddenly, Josh thinks I hung the moon. The other day I took Josh to work with me. He hung out with the guys at Reliable while I went to see my psychologist, Dr. B. When I returned to work and opened the front door, Josh was so happy to see me, he came up to me and hugged me, just like a child again. It's definitely different...

Josh is having HBOT again. We really see a change in Josh after the treatments. He read a book for about 15 minutes after having the treatment. He then went downstairs, turned the television on and was watching the news. This was a first. It's not just flipping on the tv. He had to shut off the xbox, go into the input menu and change from one screen to another. Later that evening, he was watching a movie in his room. He's doing more than just playing xbox. Josh also remembered that he went to HBOT the next morning! This is particularly huge! Remembering what you did the next day is pretty amazing since most of the time Josh's working memory is about 20-25 minutes long. It's weird how he'll remember certain things and not others. Why would he remember going to HBOT but not remember going to an entire Charger game which is so much longer and exciting? Who knows?

Josh knows that Natalie is going to college at Boulder and will always say, "Why aren't I in college?" I'll say, "You know why," and Josh will say "Because of the brain injury?" Josh always asks questions he knows the answers to. Sometimes he'll just look at Zack or Mike Jones and say, "What's your name?" He sees these guys every day. They'll say, "Oh come on, Josh." Then, he'll say, "Mike" or "Zack".

I am working on getting Josh into a swimming program. When he was a kid, he completed the junior lifeguard program and received his certificate. He used to love to boggie board. I play golf with a gal whose son owns the Noonan Family Swim School in Del Mar...so I am working on getting a male instructor for Josh. We need to get that kid in the water again. Josh hasn't been in the water since the injury. He needs to get his fluidity back and swimming would be great therapy.

Josh is taking a class in FeldenKrais yoga which is designed to increase your range of motion. Josh is such a team player. Don takes him to the class on Monday nights. Josh never says, "I don't want to go." He's a sport. Don's been working out with Josh practically every night. Josh is pretty fit. He comes home from the gym soaked. Josh is continuing with his Cognition Ignition program which is helping him cognitively. He's also tutored every day from 3:30 to 5:30. I couldn't ask for a better tutor than Mike Jones. He works with Josh on all kinds of programs including the interative metronome program which helps Josh with his speech and coordination. You set the metronome to a certain speed and as it ticks away, you recite various exercises to the beat. It's all about speech and coordination.

That's it for now, folks! Thanks for listening and Happy New Year!!! xo

Josh has a new blog...

I just wanted to inform everyone that Josh has a new blog since AOL journals is closing on October 31, 2008. I hope I successfully transferred the contents of Josh's old blog into the new one. I will be updating the blog soon... I need to gather my thoughts and write something meaningful and informative...

Josh has a new team of educators and is improving...

Natalie turned 18 on July 22, 2008.  We had a party at Rock Bottom with lots of her friends. 

Natalie's graduation from Canyon Crest Academy, June 12, 2008

 

  US Open cake from Four Seasons Aviara. 

  Picture of Josh and me taken on August 2, 2008, by Vin.  Please excuse the shirt...Josh's ex-girlfriend, Brittany, bought it for him a few years ago.  He insisted on wearing it to HBOT.  He's still happy and smiling away...

************************************

It's been a little over two months since I have updated the blog.  Since then, I have been to South Beach Miami for a bachelorette party and to Boulder for Natalie's orientation at University of Colorado.  Natalie has signed up for all her classes, is in the leadership program and will start college on August 25.  We fly there on the 21st to get all moved in....

Oh yeah....this blog is about Josh!  Well, let's see...I guess he's coming along.  It's hard to measure his progress since I see him everyday... Josh's memory is getting better.  He remembers that Mike, Angie and Tyler were here for Natalie's graduation !  That is big.  It seems that his memory for big events is fairly decent at times, but the small stuff like what he had for breakfast and what he did the day before is spotty...  Dr. B explained that this is how the memory comes back, first the big stuff, then the small stuff... 

Josh continues to perseverate about Jerry and college and now my mother.... Josh will call me at work in the middle of the afternoon and ask, "Where's your mother?"  very strange... and totally annoying...  He is also into this thing where he asks, "Who died first Grandma or Dad.... what about Armen???  did he go to heaven or hell???  (then he just laughs like there is no tomorrow..crazy Joshy.)  what about Hector???  is he still alive???"   Every night Josh will look at family pictures and ask where they all are...   The other night Josh asked about Myron!  He said, "Mom, is Myron still around?"  The other day Josh was reading Uncle Charlie's obituary and started on him... "Where is he?"  Dr. B thinks that Josh is literally asking where they are.  If we are in the car and I remind Josh to put hisseatbelt on, he'll say, "I am not putting it on...I want to be with Dad.."   Then he just laughs....   The other day Josh was yelling at Vin and I said, "Josh, why are you screaming?"  Josh says, "Because Vin didn't know Jerry."  Then he'll laugh.  He asks everyone "Did you know my Dad?"  This is that lack of executive function thing where he just blurts out stupid stuff or laughs inappropriately if he sees someone fall.   If I bring Josh to Reliable Pipe, he'll walk up to the customers and say "What's your name?"   He constantly looks at Mike Nunez and asks him, "Where's Hector? Is he with my Dad?"  

Josh does well when he is engaged in some kind of activity and has an amazing concentration level considering what happened to him.  Four days a week he has four hours of one on one therapy, two in the morning at Encinitas Learning Center in his advanced neuroplasticity program and then two hours in the afternoon with his tutor.  He can do algebra and complex averages...  He is doing very well and Mike Jones is quite pleased with his progress and loves working with Josh.  Yesterday Mike called me at work after their tutoring session and told me that Josh remembered his middle name which Mike told him last month....the memory thing is quite bizarre and spotty...some things he stores away and remembers and other things he immediately forgets...  When Josh is perseverating about Jerry or college, he won't remember anything you tell him or anything that is happening around him...  He is in the "crazy Josh world" trying to sort things out...  It is like a broken record that is stuck in the groove... the therapists say to touch him to ground him to reality...  IT IS MADDENING AND DIFFICULT!!

The "When am I going back to college?" thing is continuing.  Josh constantly asks me this and when he does I no longer say "soon".  Dr. B says you must tell him that he'll go back when his brain heals, that he needs to work hard atall his therapies so his memory and reasoning ability will come back.  I have something written out which explains that he suffered from a near death brain injury which caused cell death in his brain when he had no oxygen...  Josh understands sometimes.  If you tell him that he'll go back to college "if your brain heals", he has a fit.  He'll scream, "What do you mean IF????" 

I decided that I wanted happy, motivated professionals around Josh so I got rid of Nino, his driver, and put an ad in Craig's list for an educator to drive Josh to Encinitas Learning Center and to work with the therapists there to understand what is happening and reinforce those exercises at home.  The ad stated that the educator must play xbox, pool, cards, ping pong and golf, and most importantly have a sense of humor.  I want fun people around Josh, not boring caregivers that don't give a shit.  I also stated in the ad that a telephone interview was required and gave my cell phone number.  I probably received 50 calls from retired and laid off teachers.  I hired two young guys, Zach and Zodi.  Zach has a degree in special education and is a substitute teacher.  He has a great personality, is fun, full of great ideas and is very enthusiastic.  He is also darling, 6 foot, blonde and blue and married to a gal who works in the pharmaceutical industry.  Zodi has a teaching degree from San Diego State in kinesthesiology.  He is fun, animated, extremely polite and humble!  I got so many qualified people that my head was spinning.  I decided to break up the week, three days for Zach and two days for Zodi.  So far, so good.  Before I was not ready to interview people and tell them exactly what I wanted.  I was too emotional so I just called agencies and said, "Send me people."  I think Josh will make better progress with fun people around him.  If they get burnt out, I'll hire other fun people. 

Josh's latest thing is watching movies.  He loves to laugh.  He'll focus on an entire movie.  If I walk in the room, he'll get distracted and start with the crazy questions.  A few days ago, Josh walked in my bedroom around 6:30 a.m. with the Cheech and Chong DVD.  He'll get up really early and read all his notes on the kitchen table.  I'll hear him mulling around in the kitchen.

I have more to tell, but it's 20 minutes until 11 andI have a golf date at 11:30 and haven't showered yet...so I'll finish up when I get back and attach some photos of Natalie's bday and graduation....  I am dating now and having fun!!  Stay tuned.....

xoxoxo   

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Josh is still going to HBOT but only once a week and at a deeper depth, 2.0 atmospheres.  He loves it!  As he becomes more and more cognitive, I think we will go deeper.  It helps with stiffness.  Josh has blisters on his hands from gripping the golf club so tightly.  He needs to loosen up.    We're laying off of golf for a while and doing frisbee golf which is great exercise. 

 

 

 

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